At a time when it seemed that many choices had been cruely taken away, the decision of which Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) to start allowed me to take back some sort of control. One specialist advised strongly that I should consider a hormone patch as this would deliver the most effective dose of the hormones needed. I politely declined. There was no way as a women in my early 30's I wanted to walk around with a patch, I felt like I may has well have worn a badge saying "something's wrong with me I can't have children". I felt like this was a complete breach of privacy and at a time when I hadn't yet processed what was going on I couldn't imagine openly sharing this with the world through a a patch plastered on my skin. I know that we live in the UK and the number of days a year spent in a bikini are limited but I wasn't ready to let this go yet. It was my diagnosis, my body and I wasn't prepared to put it out there in any physical sense.
My next option was a hormonal cream designed to be used like a moisturiser every day after showering. This again felt like a restriction on my freedom. What if I didn't want to shower at the same time each day, what if I wanted to shower twice in one day. What if I was running late and didn't have time to shower before work. I couldn't commit solidly to a daily face care regime how on earth did they expect me to commit to an extended daily shower routine.
We reluctantly settled on a daily hormonal pill. I figured that as I'd managed to take the contraceptive pill for the last decade how different would this be. Also if any one were to see this pill I could pretend it was something else. I realise now most of this was about some misguided self preservation, but it was what I needed to do at the time to get through it. One downside to this hormonal pill was that it wouldn't protect me against unwanted pregnancy. Now I know this seemed like a ridiculous worry in the current post-menopausal climate however I was warned there was always a very slim chance that fertility could improve and I couldn't be faced with any other unexpected surprises. This meant I had to get the coil inserted, which was quite possibly the most painful experience of my life so far and I hope it is something I never need to put my body through again!
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