I'm enjoying my early 30's. I know many people fear the big 3-0 however after years of trying to desperately "find myself" during my 20's there is a certain satisfaction with hitting an age where you can finally own who you are. I had recently come out of a long term relationship and I was looking forward to a new decade where I could unapologetically be myself and do things for me. Admist the chaos of heartbreak I had allowed my prescription of the contraceptive pill to lapse and I found myself hormone free for the first time in over a decade. I remember the first flush like it was yesterday. I was sat on a busy train on a freezing cold morning in January commuting to work with my coffee in hand. All of a sudden a tsumami of heat flooded my body and I was desperately stripping off my coat and scarf in the middle of the carriage. I assumed it was due to the hot coffee but 5 minutes later when there was sweat trickling down my brow and I was sat in nothing but a vest top I figured something wasn't quite right. I was a newly qualified doctor at the time and with my limited fertility knowledge I assumed maybe coming off the pill had triggered my hormones to go into over drive. It was only when the same kerfuffle began to happen on a daily basis that I thought it was maybe time to get some blood tests. I remember the initial call when a young male doctor, who quite evidently has as much knowledge on fertility as myself, informed me that there were some abnormlaities with my blood tests and he would book me for some repeats. This was quite standard practise and I booked myself for another test. It was only months later when I had gone into the GP for my smear test that things started to spiral. I was sat with a senior female GP whilst she accessed my record and I could see her facial expression change dramatically. With a look of almost pitied empathy she asked if I was aware that some of my blood results had been abnormal. I replied that I was. She then went on to tell me that she had never seen results quite like these in a women of my age. My FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) was in the high 20's, which she went on to explain was above what she'd expect to see for someone starting to go through the menopause. This was the first time someone had directly said the word "menopause". Here I was thinking I had come to the doctors for a simple smear and now this lady was throwing the prospect of menopause into the equation. She then quickly went on to say she was very concerned and was referring me to the "Primary Ovarian failure Clinic" for an urgent review.
Hearing the words "Ovarian Failure" really struck a nerve. "Early menopause" sounds so much softer, like you've eased into a natural phase of life a bit ahead of time, but "Premature Ovarian Failure" hits you like a bus. There was this feeling of shock and almost terror. I had moved from a position of having a few abnormal blood results to confronting the very real possibility my ovaries were failing and I'd had no idea it was happening. How as a women does your body stop working and you are completely oblivious to it. All of a sudden the freedom of my new found thirties had turned very sour and I had no idea of what the future would hold.
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